Yesterday discussed about Cholly's situation against white mens, he couldn't show him anger to them so because of this "emotion collection" inside him , he hated from Darlene although she didn't do anything.
This interperetion of Sonja has been the ice-breaker for me.
This is one of my biggest self-shiftiness.
When there is a person i like so much, i am being very very fool. I am realizing him or her disturbing specialities but to fear of ruining this love i am convincing myself like "Noo, he is not like that, he is just trying to do another thing...".
And that is interesting because by doing like that and not showing my anger to this people, this emotion is not being dissapeared. It is waiting inside me and when another person does the same disturbing-mistake i am showing my reaction to him or her very strictly because of this collection :(
I must give up doing this. If people will not want to hear my thoughts , although i love them so much , they must decide with themselves to be friend or not to be friend with me. And i am always being very sad about showing my reaction to another person like this.
I must face with this speciality of me...
Cholly is afraiding from the white-hunters because of fear. And i am afraiding to show my real opinions to people i love so much because of fear of losing them.
I know i used this place for very personal thoughts of me ,sorry, but in the lecture when i heard Sonja's inteperetation i was shocked and thought like "Oh, God! That is what i am doing !!"
Oh Ayşe, this brought tears to my eyes. I am actually in exactly the same situation and it has been depressing me for many, many weeks now. But you are so right: people have to decide whether they want our friendship or not. We shouldn't excuse their hurtful behaviour out of fear of losing them. Keeping this emotion inside is a kind of ongoing torture, whereas if there were clear boundaries, we could move on more easily.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if I'm overgeneralising, but I think this is how women love, or at least how we've been taught to love. We 'love' through taking on suffering, taking on the burden of other people's problems.
I want to say that ANYONE should be thankful to have your friendship, and if they're too foolish to realise it, it's their sad loss! Because I think you're totally amazing..